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'Gute
Manieren'
A
German Etiquette Book, 1956
Helmut
Jahn
Dancing
is obligatory
One
must know how to dance !, Not all the newest fad dances, but the most
common dances in their basic form. Dancing- School precision and
tournament quality are not required. Excepted from the duty of dancing
are the old, the frail, the sick, the pregnant, the mourning and the
hopelessly klotzy.
Requesting
a dance: The
gentleman approaches the table of the lady, makes a slight bow- a
simple nod of the head won't do- and asks 'may I have this dance' ('darf
ich bitten?). This question is redundant if the gentleman sits alone
with the lady at a table and the dance has been previously agreed
upon. Standing up and bowing are also required in this case. No
cigarette in hand; no hand in jacket pocket, jacket buttoned. Very
often the following situation occurs: a gentleman bows in front of a
table on which several ladies are seated. Instead of the lady for whom
the bow was intended another lady gets up. The gentleman will have to
dance with this lady. He is not allowed to say I mean
your girl friendl'
While
seated, the lady accepts the invitation with a friendly bow of the
head. Disinterest, boredom and pride expressed in face and attitude
are inappropriate and insulting. The lady walks in front of her
partner or on his right arm to the dance floor. She steps on the dance
floor first. Once there, the gentleman bows lightly once more.
Lady's
Choice is a custom
which is falling out of fashion. Where it is still customary, this
rule applies: the lady may only invite a man to dance whom she knows,
who has been introduced to her or who had invited her to dance
previously.
A
lady never invites an unknown man. Exceptions: Masked Balls and
Carnival (Mardi Gras)
Introductions:
In private circles, the introduction of all takes place before the
dancing begins.
In
Dance- Bars, Discos and casual public dance events, the gentleman does
not introduce himself if he dances only once or twice with the same
lady. However, at the third time, he should state his name. If he
takes a seat at her table he has to introduce himself to her and the
others in her party. If the lady is in the company of a gentleman, he
has to ask this man if he may dance with the lady. He bows lightly to
this man and says 'With your permission' and only then does he
invite the lady to dance.
At
larger private dances and at Balls the man is allowed only to dance
with a lady whom he knows or to whom he had been introduced. If he
does not know her, he has to try to find a gentleman who is known to
both of them and ask him if he would introduce him to the lady in
question. He will say 'please, introduce me to this lady'. He
should not point with his finger to the lady, but to try describing
tactfully where the lady is located. First he should inquire about the
name of the lady. If the acquaintance is willing to undertake the
introduction, both men approach the table.
After
the introduction, the gentleman invites the lady to dance.
If
the lady is in the company of a senior person such as parents, older
relatives, or a gentleman, the man doing the introductions has to
first ask them ' permit me to introduce to you Mr. Such-and-Such'. The
man being introduced now asks the senior person ' do you permit me
to dance with Miss So-and-So?" Only
then does he turn to Miss So-and-So and invites her to dance.
Declining
a Dance:
In
private circles, where all know each other or where every one has been
introduced, a lady may only refuse a dance if she wishes to rest. She
should then offer him a dance later in the program. Once she has
refused the dance she may not dance this dance with any other man. She
may refuse to dance with an unknown man without giving a reason.
In
any of the above named sites where dancing takes place, a lady may
refuse a man a dance without giving a reason, if she does not know
him.
A
lady who allows herself to be taken to a Dance Bar is advised to not
dance with strange men, unless she asks her partner for permission to
do so first.
A
gentleman who takes a lady to a Dance- Bar or similar environment,
dances only with this lady; he does not dance with unknown women.
At
a Ball, if a man has correctly been introduced to a lady, he may
invite her to dance. The lady may refuse the dance, but must give an
explanation:' / am sorry, but I already have refused this dance to
another gentleman'. She is not obliged to offer this man another dance
if she does not wish to dance with him. A gentleman who is rejected in
this manner, makes no further attempt to dance with this lady. With
people who are obviously drunk, no one needs to dance.
Duty
Dances:
At
a private party or at a Ball the gentleman has the duty to dance with
all the ladies who are known to him or to whom he has been introduced.
If he is unable to dance with ladies whom he knows, he must apologize.
He may dance with strange ladies only after he has absolved all his
duty dances.
Exceptions:
at very large Balls he needs only to dance with ladies whom he knows
very well and with whose families he associates.
After
dinner, the gentleman first invites his 'table lady1* to dance. At
House Balls, the dance is opened with the oldest or highest ranking
man and the lady of the house as his partner. The master of the house
dances with this man's wife or the youngest girl there so that among
the older ladies there will be no slighted feelings concerning rank.
At private dances, should a woman become a wallflower, a free
gentleman must invite her to dance. A non-dancer has the duty to
entertain the wallflower while the others are dancing.
During
the Dance
On
must show ones partner a friendly face, even if it is difficult.
In
society one does not dance with athletic seriousness, acrobatic tricks
or unbridled erotic , but with happy dignity.
One
dances as well and as unobtrusively as possible. One does not claim
the entire dancing space for ones self.
One
does not breathe into the partners face. People with halitosis
(especially smokers) should supply themselves with chlorophyll or
peppermint tablets if they wish to dance. One does not crash into
other couples. If it does happen, one apologizes to the other couples.
The
word is ' sorry'. Nothing more.
If
one steps on a lady's foot, one apologizes. The lady doesn't turn this
into a State Affaire, even if it hurts.
One
does not criticize the dancing skill of ones partner, even if he/she
dances badly. Neither does one laugh about the dancing of other
couples , especially not in private circles.
The
gentleman may pay the lady a compliment on her fine dancing but it
must be believable, otherwise it will appear as irony. The lady is
permitted to repay the gentleman with like compliment.
Only
in the most dire occasions may a lady ask the gentleman to ailow her
to stop dancing.
A
lady is allowed to abandon her partner in the middle of the dance only
if he permits himself
intimacies and insinuations.
One
is permitted to converse with ones partner during the dance; however,
the main attention
belongs to the dance.
Older
people maintain their dignity on the dance floor and do not try to
compete with the young
in showing off a large variety of figures, tricks and agility. They do
not dance grotesque
dances.
Ladies
do not dance with ladies; men do not dance with men.
Cutting
in is rude! Exception: among people who know each other very well and
at private parties.
After
the dance
The
gentleman escorts the lady back to her seat. On a very large parquet,
he offer her his arm.
This is not required in a more intimate setting. He thanks her and
takes his leave with
a bow. The lady responds to his thanks and bow by inclining her head.
Public
Dance-bars and Ballrooms
Ladies
who frequent such places without a male escort have to be aware that
they will be spoken
to and invited to dance by men unknown to them. They are allowed to
refuse the invitation
without giving a reason. The man has no right to be irritated or
insulted by such a refusal.
Taxi-dancers
Many
dance-restaurants and dance halls employ taxi- dancers for their
customers.
Those
who wish to engage one tell the waiter and inquire of him what the
cost is and how one
pays. The waiter provides the information and relays the request.. In
respectable restaurants
it is not expected that one invites the taxi-dancer to ones table.
A
lady does not frequent dubious dance-bars. A gentleman does not take a
lady to such places.
******
*
'Table Lady'
- In Germany, when giving a party, at weddings etc, it is customary
for the host to invite a table partner for single guests ( Tischdame)
********
How
things have changed! ... or have they?
On
the subject of oral and corporal hygiene Tabourot** writes in 1589
'The
dances are constructed in such a way that the couples can test whether
they are healthy and can use their limbs. At the end, the men are
permitted to kiss their ladies in order to unobtrusively smell each
other and note if they have pleasant breath or if they stink...'
When
asked by his student what the young man should do if a lady refused a
dance- which would be very humiliating to him- he was told that, if
the lady doesn't intend to dance, she shouldn't be there; that the
young man should apologize for having importuned her and go to ask
some one else; that it is better to speak politely then to make a
scene about the refusal.
Luther,
in one of his table talks in 1540 was concerned about good manners'...Dances
are constructed and created that polite conduct is learned among
friends and acquaintances and that young men and women may become
acquainted with each other'. In one of his ecclesiastical writings he
says:'.. ..Faith and Love cannot be stamped out nor sat out, as long
as you are modest and restrained at it. Young children dance without
sin, so do you too and dance as a child does, in this way dancing will
not hurt you. If dancing were in itself sin, we would have to forbid
It also to children..'
**
Jehan Tabourot, a high ranking clergyman, wrote in 1589 a dance manual
under the pen name Thoinot Arbeau. His 'Orchesography'
is written as a dialog between teacher and student and describes the
steps, dances, musical notes and etiquette of his times.
KPG
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American Federation of German Folk Dance Groups
